IsaacHock 11:42 Wed Jan 25
Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Two weeks ago I emerged form my driveway to meet my neighbour on the pavement. On most occasions we see the approach of the other from far enough away that one of us can feign a crucially important portable telephone conversation, or pretend that a pocket mainstay has been left back in the house. Not on this occasion however, and the resultant conversation was a predictable shit-fest. Falling back on an English conversational mainstay, I opened with:-
"Christ it's cold. And apparently its going to get even colder."
Neighbour "Yes (polite chuckle). If you believe the weather forecast, the whole bally country is going to be shut down"
Isaac "It'll be like The Day After Tomorrow"
Neighbour (incredulously) "No. Its coming later today."
Isaac "Oh."
Aside from potentially winning me five pounds in Take a Break magazine's 'Conversations you made up to win five pounds' column, this conversation was of interest to me since it highlighted an utterly crippling disability I have when attempting to make 'Small Talk'. Please use this thread to share similar examples of your own in a cathartic manner, or to opine on where my (our) fear of engaging acquaintances in a non-informational exchange dialogue comes from.
Over to you. Create magic with your words.
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
ohgodno
1:33 Sat Jan 28
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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You can do it. But not with people you don't give a shit about. Just say "hello" and go about your business. The power to politely ignore people is the most liberating power a human can learn.
Introvert/extrovert thing is a fucking load of bullshit. Anyone who subscribes to it is a fool.
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gph
11:36 Fri Jan 27
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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I'm shit at small talk when I'm conscious of the fact that I'm small-talking.
I'm great at it when I don't take that step back to observe myself, and just do it.
I can do it until the cows come home if I just get on autopilot.
Just trust yourself to talk bollocks without talking beyond the pale bollocks.
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fred flinstone
11:33 Fri Jan 27
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Micky Flanagan's sketch about his "relationship" with his neighbour is worth checking out if you've never seen it, one of the best things he's done imo
My neighbours are all cunts so I just blank them, simple
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Mex Martillo
11:18 Fri Jan 27
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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I am no good either
I do the weather or football and make an exit after a few sentences.
Does not bother me, it just is not very interesting to talk to most people.
I prefer to do stuff, like working on my old car or whatever.
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SecondOpinion
7:45 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Or worse, those that repeat their sentences
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gph
6:40 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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If you're not in the 10% of people who can't manage even the smallest of small talk, i.e., "thank you" after you've done them a small favour, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
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gph
6:39 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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If you're not in the 10% of people who can't manage even the smallest of small talk, i.e., "thank you" after you've done them a small favour, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
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Grumpster
5:35 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Good thing about alcohol is that when you're half cut, the words will just flow, but before that it can be awkward. More common with men, as women appear to be able to talk about any old shit for hours.
I've been to drink ups at work where none of my department go, so I just go alone as it's free beer and literally won't talk to anyone for hours until I'm pissed.
Not talking doesn't bother me though, probably happier not having to bother so long as there's lager.
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SecondOpinion
5:20 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Hahahaha. You fucking idiot!! You have made the mistake of making eye contact and probably engaging in conversation the first time you ever met. This then has to be continued every time you meet your neighbor, hence your embarrassment, your shyness, you being tongued tied and lack of the ability to engage in small talk.
Just ignore the cunt
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North Bank
1:58 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Good spot that Sold and symptomatic of modern day Britain
Thanks Blair
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Willtell
12:32 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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I blame the EU...
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Darby_
12:28 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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No surprise that there are some miserable saddos out there that'd complain about that. It's just a surprise they actually sacked him over it.
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Northern Sold
12:01 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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No small talk from Lollypop men.. and deffo no high 5's....
http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/15047855.Popular_lollipop_man_gets_a_high_fives_ban___due_to_health_and_safety/?ref=mr&lp=4
World has gone fookin' mental
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BRANDED
11:22 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Exactly. Just chat. Talk bollocks. No one is going to smash ypu in ghe face or stab you.
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Private Dancer
11:18 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Small talk is just a state of mind, there is no need for any conversation/chat to be awkward, I suppose it all depends on the individual and how they can adapt to any situation. If I go outside and see my neighbour and talk to him for 2 minutes, I don't see it as 'small talk' it's just a quick chat between 2 people who are known to each other.
If you see the neighbour or someone in the kitchen at work just talk and behave normally, it aint that diffulcult. The key is knowing when to cut the chat and walk away, again that depends on the individual being able to carry it off without appearing awkward.
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BRANDED
11:15 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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If someone asks me how. Y weekend was I'll try and keep the answe going for 20 minutes just to punish them for asking. I'll talk about the wanks I had, ingredients of the meals I cooked, the chord sequence of my new tune and how I subtly ad a 2/4 bar in the bridge just before the chorus to tgrow you forward intp the uplift, which is a clever trick non technical people inderstand, I'll segue into the game and keep it concise if we won not to be too triumphant and keep it factually precise focusing on goals and crucial passages of play, I'll spend more time on the bottle of wine or new craft ale I tried and I'll subtly transition to investment tips I picked ip in the weekend FT as well as the better parts of How To Spend it. If I havent quite hit 20 minutes with that I'll recount a funny moment with the cat which usually involves a bit of violence.
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Northern Sold
11:13 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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One thing about getting a dog and taking it out for walks is .... small talk with absolutely everyone.... I actually quite enjoy it... got yapping with a bloke last week who had a Border Terrier... he noticed my WHU tracky bottoms I wear to get out with the dog... he was a old time got talking about football and how shit modern day football stadiums crowds are.... he was a Gooner... went to the Emirates once and hated the placed... never been back... good 45 min chat we had harking on about the old days and old games between the 2 of us... I hope I bump into him this weekend for another moan off....
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Russ of the BML
11:11 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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I have reached an age now where I don't give a fuck about silences and I am quite content with them. I also don't give a fuck whether the person I am with feels awkward. I talk to them when I want to and if the conversation flows it flows if it doesn't then it doesn't. I don't care. I find that since I reached that point of liberation small talk became easier.
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Northern Sold
11:09 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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We got two kitchens on our floor at work... last week our East end kitchen was being done up so we had to trudge up the opposite end to use their sink' fridge, boiler etc... this week the South end kitchen was being done up so they have been trudging down to use ours... on Monday was speaking to one of the girls that had trudged down from the other end...
"Alright... "
"Hello..."
"Don't half Get packed these kitchens with everyone using them"
"Yes..."
"I bet you got fed up with everyone coming up your end...."
* get a funny look *
* realise what I have said..."
"....................I'll just get me milk"
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Sniper
11:02 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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Other horrible small talk situation - being a parent in the school playground waiting after school. God that's painful.
Although I think a big part of that is down to it sending me back to my school days and as the mums in the playground outnumber the dads about ten to one, it's just a massive collection of hormonal groups of women chatting and a few dads awkwardly stood around unable to join in. So i feel like I'm back at school it's just the mums aren't pointing and laughing at me...
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JustAFatKevinDavies
10:27 Thu Jan 26
Re: Small Talk - Why can't I do it?
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I've got to an age now where I'm just happy to ignore people, family included.
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